Sandra Bullock and the rights of a step-mom

America’s sweetheart and Academy Award winner Sandra Bullock reportedly is having marriage trouble because of her husband Jesse James’ admission of infidelity.  I am sure this story will be covered widely for many more weeks to come.

What is interesting to me is her rights to her step children, if we assume that she wants to have a relationship with them. She has helped her husband Jesse James’ case for child custody for having provided a stable home for the children, and Divorce Magazine has written about how Sandra Bullock relishes her role as a mother to her step children.

Interestingly, in her recent Oscar acceptance speech for her role in the movie Blind Side, she said the award is “… for the moms that take care of the babies and children no matter where they come from. These moms and parents never get thanks.” I have to think that she included herself and her step children in that message.

I believe the law as it stands does not favor step parents. That the biological parents’ rights would allow them to determine whether a step parent can get to be with the step children. It’s complicated, that’s for sure. In some ways, step parents are like grand parents, they are very much on the fringe in situations like these, no matter how much time, money and love has been put into raising the children. And, may I add that some step parents choose to have the step children as their children, while some biological parents didn’t.

What is in the best interst of the children get more and more difficult to determine as parents go through mulitple divorces. How many sets of parents and grand parents can a child have and spend quality time with? And how often would these children be split up because they have different fathers. How many people have to be brought to the negotiation table to settle cases like this. And, are our divorce court judges, lawyers, fianncial advisors equipped to deal with this? I don’t envy any one of them involved in cases like this.

If you could cheat on your spouse and get away with it, would you?

No doubt, Tiger Wood’s infidelity has sparked a lot of comments from experts and common folks.

I just saw on TV about a relationship expert commenting on Tiger Wood’s situation.  The discussion centered aroundwhy Tiger Woods did it and could Tiger Woods’ marriage be saved. This relationship expert says that he surveyed some 1,500 men asking them the question “If you could cheat on your spouse and get away with it, would you?” and the answer was 85% said yes. The expert’s point is men are not cut out to be with one person for life. So, my thought was if you ask this question: “If you could rob a bank and get away with it, would you?” and if you answered yes, does that mean you will rob a bank?

The expert went on to say, the only way Tiger Woods marraige can be saved is if they commit to working it out, that Elin, Tiger’s wife commits to forgiving him, go on the golf trips and do whatever it takes because it will be a tough habit for Tiger to break since so many women want to be with him. 

Is this what a marriage/relationship is built on?

Martha Chan is the co-owner and V.P. Marketing of Divorce Marketing Group and Divorce Magazine.